Being in the Present

Dear Ben and Melissa,

Boxes. We needed boxes to move out of the dorm. The hunt took place each spring. No one had money, and it always seemed stupid to buy boxes. So Greg and I went dumpster diving in Rice Village, hunting for boxes in the backs of the stores.

We found boxes. And something even better. . . . . because wandering with Greg was always an adventure.

Mannequins. Just lying there, waiting for a home. One for me and one for Greg plus an extra arm. One was blue – kind of like a character in Avatar, and the other some strange pinky flesh-tone you still see in department stores today.

Mine ended up a gift for my sister. Greg took the other one. And as Mark Colonna shared, it was dressed up for every holiday, party, just because from then on.

I can’t remember if it was that same year or the one following, but Nick Slavik handed the extra arm to President Rupp as Nick was awarded his diploma in ’88. Rupp was not amused. We thought it was hilarious.

***
Greg, Wendy Strauss and I were all enrolled in an English class with Dennis Huston. It was a great class – with endless books filled with quotes for Greg to leave on our answering machine (the first line of Lolita floated to the surface many times). We read amazing books in that class, and after spending four weeks on Gravity’s Rainbow, we were a bit fried.

Sitting next to Greg in class was always a challenge. He bounced his leg up and down when he was thinking, anticipating the beginning of class, waiting to anticipate the beginning of class, thinking about thinking, writing, you name it. Sometimes my desk would start bouncing too, and I’d reach over and smack his leg. He would never be aware of doing it.

On one gorgeous day, Greg’s leg was bouncing furiously. I wanted to be anywhere but a class on Gravity’s Rainbow. Again. At Rice, if the professor was ten minutes late, the class was a walk – ie, you could leave.

The clock was ticking. “Slurpees,” I said. Greg looked at the clock – 8 minutes into the requisite ten.

“Let’s go.” Obviously we couldn’t leave through the door as Professor Huston was likely about to open it at any moment.

So we went out the window. Right at Huston opened the door – but we were already on the grass. No turning back. Best. Slurpee. Ever.

***
I wish I could find all the letters and notes from over the years. If I do, I will send them to your mom for you to read someday. Maybe other people have some they could copy and share with you, too. You never realize when you are young that you should save these things.
***

Your dad was one of the most special people I’ve ever known. So many people here have described it beautifully. He was funny, endearing, and genuinely liked people. His smile, bear hug, and laughter let you know that no matter what happened, it was all ok. My son asked us what we would all do together. Scott and I laughed. We hung out. We talked. We laughed. No one had much money. But we had lots of time, and Greg knew how to make that time magic whether he was telling a story, watching for the moment to make a joke, or being one of the best listeners, ever. Being with Greg was always in the present. When you are older, you’ll understand how rare that is – for people to really, truly be in the present.

***

We’d always end up with a huge group wherever we were hanging out. It was wonderful. Fast-paced dialogue – and very, very funny. You had to be on your toes – ready to make a good crack because if you didn’t, Greg would make us take a strike. (Wasn’t this a game from high school??) Three strikes, and you had to stop talking.

Whenever Greg needed to excuse himself – to go the bathroom, get another drink, say hello to someone – he’d get everyone’s attention, and say something along the lines of “You’ll be here when I get back, right?”

This was, of course, an invitation to shuffle places or move the whole group to another table every single time the opportunity came up — leaving an extra seat for Greg. Always. There’s always a seat for Greg – and for you and Melissa at our table. Always. We’ll all be here whenever you need anything.